With the standard qualifier that all men now have to attach to anything they say - “I’m not a mysognist” - I’d like to say a few thngs about how fathers are marginalised when families break down. Again.
Men are constantly reminded to be more involved in the lives of their children. From the new-fangled-new-man cutting the umbilical cord and gorging on placenta fried with some garlic, served with fava beads and a Chianti, to taking time off high-pressure jobs where they’re soul-raped on a daily basis, to attend a school production on which is attached preposterous importance by the mother who is fed by the society that has taken such pains to emasculate and de-man men.
Involvement is not meant to be theatrical, under peer-pressure. “Oh, but think of the emotional impact it will have on the child if you don’t attend!” Erm, did you read that in the same book where you learned how to emotionally roger children on a daily basis? Or the coffee group where you reinforce the man-hate-ethic while your men get hated by more men at work? Bitter? Me? Naah! OK, there are some brilliant, hard-working mums. But nobody ever talks about the brilliant, hard-working dads. Despite the so-called sexual revolution, that’s still expected, no, demanded of men! Without complaint. Without mention. Without any kind of emotional remuneration.
Involvement is what happens when no one but you and your children are there. Involvement is fairness no matter what. It is grace under pressure. Involvement is reining in anger and never allowing emotion to over-ride your tongue when your children are doing their best to unseat your composure.
But hey, paternity leave is still not equal to maternity leave. When there’s a separation, the mother gets the counselling. The state de facto assumes that the mother is the better parent. In family therapy, the father is excluded. Why should he be included? He’s just the fucking father. He couldn’t possibly give a shit about his children!
The courts rule in favour of the mother, regardless of circumstances. Schools don’t contact both parents about children’s activities, only the mother gets contacted. So when the father doesn’t turn up at events, despite his sincerest wishes to participate, he gets made to look the foolish, errant dad. The mums know this and discuss it at lengths at their man-bashing coffee mornings. All men are bastards, and of course, some women go all out to make it so, to prove it so, to repeat the circle. No, I’m not cynical, really I’m not.
Equality? Don’t make me laugh.
(Image courtesy of Garry Clarkson, official photographer for Fathers-4-Justice - Thanks Garry - all your rights in this image are reserved by you and many thanks for letting me use it - and for your kind words about my posts)
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