Bitches, leave!

Women know nothing about football. It’s not that they can’t understand the offside rule. It’s not even that they can’t talk about the game. The reality is that they have something missing. It’s like they don’t have a soul. Imagine an American talking about football. You’re beginning to get the picture. Americans don’t even use the same terms. But women are actually worse than Americans. They are the fifth column. You might think their involvement helps get more women interested and that might make the life of men easier when talking about the game they love. But I don’t want women interested. And neither do most men. So please, I’m asking you nicely, fuck off.

Let me give you a couple of examples. Gabby “The Fake” Logan was on ITV tonight. She made two catastrophic errors. The first was a segue to some other sport news item (probably to do with men again) when she said “without gain, you won’t get pain”. Right. Then later, when showing Bayer Leverkeusen getting a consolation goal back against Liverpool to bring the score to 3-1, she said of Leverkeusen’s scorer - “that sealed it”. Erm, yeah Gabby. Now fuck off and knit.

You know, women doing football is like watching someone from a distance out of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. You’re not quite sure about their essential humanity. I mean, they look human. They move like humans. But they are not. They remind me of the Israeil Mossad interrogator who gets his victims to co-operate by making them believe he knows more about Islam than they do. How? He asks them to answer such pointless esoterica as “which is the only chapter in the Qur’an without the letter ‘Meem’ in it?” Erm, who cares dude? That’s the kind of thing a woman might know. But she wouldn’t know anything about the essence of football. Gabby looks like a commentator on football. Sometimes she even talks like one. But she will never, ever be one. Not even if she has a sex change. Now Gabby, fuck off to synchronised swimming, or something. Bye!