This sounded too good to be true. Then I started checking out some of the online reviews. Could this really work? Might it be the gadget that finally fixes my sleep cycle? Will someone buy me a SleepTracker now? Please?
My sleep cycle has been buggered since puberty. It’s not very good for 9 to 5 jobs. Contrary to popular opinion, this doesn’t make me lazy. I have actually had an amazingly productive life, achieving things I never dared to even dream. However, my diabetes doesn’t like my sleep cycle and neither do boring pedantic victims of the rat race who sometimes like to speak to me during the day. Like my brother for example. Except he’s not in the rat race. And he’s loaded. And successful. And good looking. And charming. Cunt.
So my sleep cycle, which optimally, requires me to stay awake for 20 hours and sleep for 10, doesn’t follow the pattern of night and day. Nothing I’ve ever tried has fixed this for anything more than a few weeks at a time. And those times when I have forced my body into the cycle, I’ve felt really, really tired most of the time. When I’m awake, I’m never truly awake. And when I’m in bed, never truly asleep - a half-existence.
So maybe I’ll give this watch a go. There’s the small matter of £90. Now - where did I put my brother’s phone number?
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