You know, some of my former Ahmadi friends would rejoice at the current turn of events. They would see my slide into bad times as evidence of their truth and my departure from it.
I welcome this adversity! I was warned to expect tests and trials. You see, I take great comfort from the Qur’an:
Ye shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in your personal selves; and ye shall certainly Hear much that will grieve you, from those who received the Book before you and from those who worship many gods. But if ye persevere patiently, and guard against evil,-then that will be a determining factor in all affairs.
The Noble Qur’an - 3:186
And the most important:
Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, “We believe”, and that they will not be tested?
The Noble Qur’an - 29.2
Had I been younger, perhaps I wouldn’t have felt so resilient. But no roof, no money, no car, no job, it means nothing. I have the love of my friends, family and children. I still have (some) dignity, and let’s face it, I’m in a veritable paradise compared to many in the world. It’s only temporary, and you know what? I say bring it on!!!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Anonymous 05.23.05 at 9:26 pm
Brother, I do sympathize with you. However, I would add: suffering with a crown of thorns is not entirely Islamic. Cleansing through avoidable suffering is ‘rahbaniyya’ and not a particularly likable (Quran).
Your children need you as a father figure - healthy, confident, funny and clean. Money comes and goes.
Keep up your writing, but take your food and meds on time, and shower and do your laundry. That is not excusable.
Sorry for being blunt — AC
secular 05.24.05 at 12:15 am
Don’t kick out your friends who cosider you as family and expect from you tomorrow when they will face such as you have today, let them do their part. Hope you will listen.
Shahid 05.24.05 at 11:26 am
Brother AC,
I am not showering as frequently as I would wish, but I am showering.
I am not doing my laundry as often as I would like, and my standards of “ming” are far higher than most, however, I am washing the essentials.
I am wearing out my socks, but that is because I’m doing a lot of walking.
I am eating when I can, I am not starving. I am taking me meds when I need, but on some particularly stressful days, this is not always convenient.
I’m not interested in the whole crown of thorns thing, and neither am I fond of ascetism. Yes, things are tough, but I’m doing what I can about it, including writing about some less than savoury aspects which many would flinch from. I tell it warts and all. I’m sorry if that is painful to read sometimes, or even offensive, but I appreciate your comments and will bear them in mind.
Shahid 05.24.05 at 11:27 am
Dear secular,
Thanks for your comments. If I am really desperate, I will turn to my friends. I can assure you that my friends and family, yourself included, have already been very helpful. I am not so proud that I wouldn’t receive help, but I am proud enough that I aim to find a way out of this test as soon as God is willing.