Just when you thought it was safe to be a father

I thought my ex was being civil, but it was a smoke-screen for what I had feared, that she is making it impossible, through lies, chicanery and subterfuge, for my daughters to stay overnight with me.

They are supposed to stay over Friday nights and spend Saturday with me. I called today to confirm this arrangement, as last week, she had unilaterally decided I wasn’t going to see them on Saturday because she wanted to take them to a fair. I volunteered to take them, but this was unacceptable. So I didn’t see them last weekend. I didn’t see them on Father’s Day because although the kids wanted to see me, their mother has quite wilfully sabotaged every father’s day and every one of my birthdays for the last umpteen or so years. I didn’t want to put the kids through that stress and pain again, so I didn’t bite, I didn’t fall into the trap.

She started an argument. I remained calm. I asked if she would drop them off Friday evening.

“I’ve got something planned with them” she replied.
“But you know they’re supposed to be with me on Friday evenings”
“Oh, but you didn’t say anything” she continued
“I don’t have to say anything! It’s my time with the girls and it’s their time with me, as agreed! We have to give them some consistency!” I countered
“You haven’t been seeing them recently at the usual time”
“Yeah, that’s because I was homeless, and then when I got a place, you stopped them coming over!”
“I’ve never stopped them seeing you!” she lied, unbelievably
“I beg your pardon? Can you repeat that?” I was incredulous
“I’ve never stopped them seeing you. You’ve had them this week, I didn’t have to let them see you!”
“I’m their father, why should you have any reason to stop them seeing me?”
Silence. So I continued “As for not letting them see me, what about holidays. Are you denying that you have stopped them seeing me, despite what it says on the statement of arrangements for children?”
“No I’m not denying it. I have never stopped them seeing you”

Now I was very confused. Her tactics have always been to lie, to obfuscate, to throw sand in the eyes. Truth is a scalpel, but she has this enormous fucking muffling pillow of shit that protects her from the truth at all costs.

The conversation continued with her insulting me and lying endlessly. She agan said things in front of the children that she shouldn’t have, that no parent should. She had planned things for Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday morning, making it impossible for me to see my daughters for any length of time. She says that I don’t want to see them, whilst making it impossible for me to actually see them. She says that I don’t want to see them, that I walked out on them (true, but why make out that she was blameless?) and when I say I’d be happy to have the kids on a permanent basis to rebut her ridiculous notion that I don’t want to see them, she answers “why should I let you have them? You’re the one that walked out on us”

She won’t heal, won’t move on. Fine. but why keep making the kids pay? They deserve better. Just when I thought she was beginning to behave herself a little, she confirms her archetype.

I don’t want to be upset today, but I am. I finished the conversation by informing her that I would get mediation involved because clearly we couldn’t communicate. I told her to expect to hear from them next week. She will call my bluff. She called my bluff on walking out. She called my bluff on divorce. One day, she will call my bluff in seeking a residence order on the girls who deserve better than the lousy parents they got. I messed up, but I could have done a hell of a lot worse.