Influenza Delirum

I have a filthy cold again. Well, right now it’s a cold. In a few minutes it might be ‘flu again. 16 hours in bed shivering, nauseous, mildly delirious is probably the ‘flu. Again. I’ve not been in my job long and already two days off sick. Still, it’s the time of year, and my boss has been very understanding. I like him a lot. He’s very fair, very hands off and very smart.

So here are my five things that piss me off when I have a cold

1. Using up the whole hanky, drenching it in transparent nasal outbursts and having to use a wet portion to dy your leaking konk. Realising too late that you’ve spread a lake of snot over your mouth and nose and will have to get up and use sandpaper-like bog-roll anyway
2. The way your pyjamas accumulate a month of body odour in a single night.
3. Too ill to go to work means too ill to do anything at all. It’s not a freebie. You have to rest. Boring. Boring. Boring.
4. Your kids don’t believe you’re ill, not really, especially if you don’t live with them. They hear your voice and after a few seconds, back to normal, hating you for not doing their entire homework assignment at 10:30p.m. at night for them or hating you for not dragging your sick ass out of bed to go to the performance they have so carefully learned a paragraph for. Come on kids, I’m ill - and my dad didn’t even know where my secondary school was but I didn’t hold that against him. How times have changed.
5. You’re too nauseous to eat, but you still don’t lose any bloody weight