Baghdad Switch

Stu Redneck is temporarily frozen. The sirens are getting louder. His pockets bulging with the jewels he has just lifted from the home of his bound and gagged victim, Abu Ghareeb. Abu Ghareeb wonders if maybe this time, his assailant and thief will be caught and brought to justice.

Just when Redneck thinks all is lost, a plan flashes into his foggy head. The authorities finally gain entry to the home of Abu Ghareeb and they find a curious sight.

“What’s going on here?”

“Look! Look at that Iraqi’s pockets!” screams Stu, hysterically.

The officer leading the emergency call-out shines his torch into the eyes of the bound and gagged Abu Ghareeb. The bound man is bruised, bloody and most certainly bowed. The torch scans its way towards Abu Ghareeb’s pockets, which are bulging with the jewels that Stu had moments before stuffed there.

“See? He robbed himself! I tied hm up so that he wouldn’t commit this heinous crime again! Arrest him! You’ve got your man”

The authorities comply with Stu Redneck. Redneck is always right.

From the BBC today:

US demands Iraq protect prisoners
Iraqi security forces have faced repeated allegations of abuse
The US says it will not hand over detainees to the Iraqi authorities until they raise levels of care.
After the discovery of hundreds of neglected prisoners held by Iraq’s interior ministry, an official said Iraq still had to meet US standards.

“We will not pass on facilities or detainees until they meet the standards we define and that we are using today,” Major General John Gardner said.

He added the US had “come a long way” since the Abu Ghraib scandal.

Yes, the US certainly has come a long way. What about putting all the scum responsible on death row for starters? No? Didn’t think so. Redneck is always right.