How to Waste Time at Work

You’ve read everything ever written on how to boost your productivity. Well, sometimes, you know you are getting rogered, and what it boils down to is getting through the tedium of the day with the least amount of energy expended, so that you can at least survive until the next day and feel semi-conscious at the office.

Here is a brief exchange between me and a dear friend today, who was suffering from a severe case of Syndrome C-B-A. (Can’t-Be-Arsed)

[11:22] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE: Salaam…..I left the house at 9am ….got to work aroung 9 50 …..luckily …no one noticed!!

[11:22] shahid: wslm

[11:23] shahid: I left ten mins late, made all the trains and got in only 2 mins late - very lucky

[11:37] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE: I have managed to sorten my 9hr working day to under 6hrs. The breakdown consists of:
(1)-being 50mins late.
(2) - Shower at work 15mins.
(3) - 1 hr 15 mins for lunch break, instead of 1hr.
(4)- Four trips to the toilet, each trip lasting 10 mins each….amd finally
(5)- 3 fag breaks each lating about 5 mins each. Which makes the grand total of 50+15+75+40+15= 195 minutes ..shortening my working day from 9hrs to 5 hrs 45 mins

[11:39] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE: sweet lordy ……I think I’ll go for a fag and rejoice!!

[11:40] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE: make that 5hrs 40 mins

[11:41] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE: ooo i forgot at least 30 mins surfing the web NEW TOTAL OF 5 HRS 10MINS

[11:42] BUY 1 GET 1 FREE:

[11:44] shahid: LOL

[11:44] shahid: that is brilliant

[11:45] shahid: I should post that to Suspect Paki

So I have!

What I like about my friend is that he is childlike in his honesty. He could have given me garbage about how that makes the rest of his time more productive, but he didn’t. He gave it straight. And please don’t get me wrong, his days aren’t always like this. Like many of us, he goes from bursts of wild productivity to creative lethargy.