After seeing a good friend today, it occurred to me that re-starting this blog might not have been such a great idea. At this point, I can almost hear some of you groaning, and some of you crying “flip-flop”, but hear me out.
Just as there came a time when it made sense for me to remove the “family” category, it might also make sense for me to remove some of my more, let’s just say “fiery” posts too. Distancing myself from old ideas, even if they were rendered in the height of passion and therefore never truly reflected my considered position at the time, is probably not enough. A time will come, if it hasn’t already, when that kind of language will be held against me.
There is the “useful record of a journey” aspect, but who am I kidding? Some of my rants were vile and totally unbecoming of the person I had hoped to become. So those posts should probably go into an archive, hidden and probably best forgotten.
Similarly, the provocative title of this blog, always an ironic gesture, had become prescient and painful.
My friend reminded me of what it takes to become a leader. To be in control of one’s emotions at all times, especially through unimaginable pain. He reminded me that the leaders of Palestine, though they are closer to the suffering than I could ever be, are always aware of the power of language and never sink to the negative depths of anguished vitriol that I have. Now vitriol has it’s place, but I no longer want to be that person.
I want to be a better person. More patient, steadfast and enduring trials with fortitude and stoicism, insha’Allah.
To be wise means to take the middle path. I should avoid being extreme in my language. God knows we need less of that in the days of Mad Mel, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. What merit is there in outdoing them?
Though I cannot avoid my responsibility as a Muslim to give voice to the oppressed of the world, from my neighbourhood to the whole planet, I have to do it with dignity. I would do well to remember that there is a lot of good in this messed up world too and I wod be ungrateful for the Mercy of Allah should I choose to forego those blessings.
With peace to you all.
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FWIW your voice has never seemed to me to be overly tainted by undignified passion
Reflection is never a bad thing – it can help hone your words and expression – but don’t stop trying and please don’t beat yourself up for past posts – your journey is all the more credible for its slips and stumbles
Bro.
I understand what you mean. I’ve written/said things in the past that I regret. Some editable written workings have been changed and some removed, e.g. I self censored my Michael Jackson posts. But we cannot change the past. For past actions, we will still be held to account. Of course we shouldn’t compound the problem by not taking the opportunity to make just reparations where possible, but is to stop the blog the answer? As we stroll through this life, we may well cringe at things done in the past, but I’m sure just about everyone recognises that out ideas and opinions may evolve. People along the same life journey nay find such ‘before’ and ‘after’ writings useful and hopefully will nitro them down the path we once baby stepped down.
A spiritual and beautifully honest man, Idris Taufiq said he will in no way denounce or be hostile to the Christian Church now that he has become a Muslim. (Idris used to be a Christian Priest). He said his past made him what he is today.
My past involves things that still shame me today, and I wish I hadn’t have done them, but in some ways we need to see the bad side before we can see the good side.
I think to be in control of ones emotions occasionally is possible. All the time? I very much doubt it is in tune with what we are. Some emotions are worth controlling (the negative ones) some are well worth embracing. Although I have strong reservations about Freudian and post-Freud psychological ‘discoveries’, I can appreciate that burying some feelings may de detrimental.
When ever we see oppression/injustice we should take physical action of various descriptions. If we can’t do that, speak out against it, or write against it, and if we can’t do any of that, hate it in your heart.
Bro, I am not telling you be be angry, but we have a right to be so (and should be so) and at the moment, there are only about 700m out of 6700m peple living comfortably. I think 6b people need us to be angry and support them with all the passion we can. I don’t know your opinion on this, but I think the passivemenss of the Muslims (esp. those ‘respecrted’) is partly to blame fo the horrors done to Muslims since the purge of Palestinians begun 80+ years ago, and that passiveness now is much, much worse!
A HT guy told me once: in battle one of the Muslims had overcome his enemy in battle. Just before being killed, the opponent spat in his face. The Muslim then decided not to kill the overcome foe. The reason was that before, the foe was to be killed do to reasons of war, but after the spitting, the killing would have been motivated for personal outrage. To kill someone for that reason was thought wrong, so he let him go.
I’m not sure of what I am saying is good rationale, but it seems sensible to me, and hopefully I’ve shown you that what is now passed, is something for us to understand and form the basis of our future direction no matter what that past involved.
If I many, make your personal change (calmer, more reasoned and considerate self) and develop from there. There will be a lot more ‘suspect pakis’ to come who will hopefully benefit from what you have gone through. It seems likely to me they would appreciate your words.
And i concurr with Jin. You’ve always seemed reasoned.
How do you feel when you ask Allah for guidance?
Salam bro.
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,
Why not go through your back catalogue and delete (or change) all the posts with the C word in them?
Also, perhaps you could get another domain name, transfer all the posts and set suspectpaki.com up so that it redirects to, say, shahidkamal.com or something like that.
wa `alaikum salaam wa rahmatullah to all of you.
Thank you, jazakallah khayr for your counsel. I will heed all of your words and make a decision. Brother Yusuf, that’s a good suggestion. I’d want the old links to remain the same of course, so the process requires some planning and thought.
Brother lwtc247, I feel that the domain name is the old me in some ways, and yet it has never been more relevant. My only concern with it is that the irony has become too hard-edged, and with so many of our brothers and sisters languishing in jails by virtue of them being “suspect paki”, it is almost sacrilegious that I should claim this title for myself. Maybe that comes across as an inverted form of vanity, I hope not. (The Muslim in battle you were referencing was Ali (ra) btw)
I don’t regret my anger or pain or passion. I regret some of the language, and some of the personal and vile abuse that was unbecoming of a Muslim. Rasulullah (saw) taught us to control our anger and I ignored that lesson. I am trying hard to live by that lesson. Passion, yes, but harnessed. I know I can write well without resorting to hatred, insha’Allah.
Jin, thanks for your kind words, I appreciate them.
Finally, two questions for all of you:
1) Is it inauthentic, or lying, or hypocritical for me to edit my old posts to remove some of the vile language and some of the vicious statements? Is there any merit in saving the originals?
2) shahid247.com or shahidkamal.com ?
JZK
Salam bro.
My reading of ‘Suspect Paki’ has always made me think of all the “Suspect Paki’s” out there. I think therefore, you’d do well to keep the title. It summarises their plight quite well (IMHO).
Thank you for giving the identiy of Ali – “My bad” – as the modernism goes.
Answers(?):
1) You may like to consider deleting bad words and ‘bad/unconfortable’ sentences, but a brief explanation of why you redacted it (e.g. ” **word I regret using** ” and ” **this paragraph I said things I regret and so has been removed** ” )would be something, I think, which offers a good solution.
2) I still prefer Suspect Paki, but I understand your desire to turn over a new leaf, so you could symbolise it with a new blog (with links here).
3) How about some istikhara?
1) Lying: No, just mention the edition date
Hypocritical: No, please don’t let the Satan use his old trick. The reason behind editing these posts is available here for everyone to see.
There should be no harm in correcting our mistakes! I presume you didn’t receive your writings through divine revelation
2) I personally prefer Shahidkamal.com. I feel it is more direct and simple. Moreover you won’t be available there 24/7, would you
JZK brothers – last night I did a search for posts with the “c” word in. It ran to four pages! I marked some as private and others I will edit in good time insha’Allah. Maybe a new blog is the best idea. I hadn’t thought of doing istikhara, I really would rather save that for huge decisions.
Further to your suggestions, I was thinking of using shahid247.com as my “CV” or “who I am on the web” type of page and then shahidkamal.com as the new blog – or should it be .org or .net?
Incidentally, I also have “evilideology.com”, which I bought in a fit of pique after Blair coined this expression in a thinly disguised attempt to conflate terrorism with Islam.
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,
I prefer shahidkamal.com. shahid247 sounds like there’s just numbers tacked onto it. It’s not contributed to 24/7, there’s no reason to use that number.
wslm wr brother Yusuf: The reason I asked about shahid247.com is because I’ve owned that domain for years and it was what the blog was called before it was suspectpaki.com
The idea was not that it was contributed to 24/7, but that you could find my writing there 24/7.
I agree with all of your points though, and I will go with shahidkamal.com insha’Allah.
JZK to all for your input. This informal shura worked out quite well, alhamdulillah.
Finally, to all, should I remove the “f” word from all of my posts? That might get rid of every post! I know I haven’t used such language in quite a while, so should I leave it there as an honest example of my past or should I remove it?
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