From the category archives:

British Society

The Shame of the Gatekeepers

by shahid on September 21, 2008

Blown up 30 Bus

I feel like Charlton Heston’s character “Taylor” did in the Planet of the Apes. You remember, that upside-down world where apes ruled over men? Our world seems like that nowadays.

On occasion I read the excellent forum of the J7 Truth team and find some of the contributors distasteful, because they epitomise some of the characters in the world Taylor found himself in. If you remember the scene when Taylor tries to defend himself in front of the ape court and gets the now legendary “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” response from the judges, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

See no evil, Hear no evil, speak no evil

I read the hostility and name-calling, realising dejectedly that these people are “mainstream” influencers. It gets me a little down.

I’ve been trying to work out why, but until today, no single sentence encapsulated the dysphoria that engulfed me every time I read some intellectual lightweight or faux-left gatekeeper spew forth a hasbara parrot-like response to anyone who dared question the risible short-story that is the “official narrative of 7/7″.

Let’s take a ludicrous diversion for the sake of analysis with an extract of Popular Mechanics’ Editorial response to the “demolition theory”, taken from the Editorial Notes section of the print version, and absent from the on-line version:

[T]hose who peddle fantasies that this country encouraged, permitted or actually carried out the attacks are libeling the truth — and disgracing the memories of the thousands who died that day.

The 9/11 Truth movement does have its problems and the biggest is that it puts its stake in the ground - several stakes and several pieces of ground come to think of it.

The J7 Truth team, despite enormous pressure and to its immense credit, has never backed an alternative theory of what happened and so cannot be smeared with the label “conspiracy theorists” (or more derisively by certain self-obsessed, self-aggrandising and shrill commentators, “conspiraloon“, a tag which has been playfully adopted by a small, but growing band of wonderful people, including me of course…)

Regardless of the various positions of the various 9/11 Truth movements and notwithstanding the possibility that some of these are gatekeepers, plants and other shady so-and-sos, the Popular Mechanics sentiment comes across as shrill, divisive and pejorative. Why would anyone seeking the truth be “disgracing the memories of the thousands who died that day”?

Since when did it become offensive to memory to ask what really happened? I mean, is it offensive to Jill Dando’s memory that Barry George has after many years of asking questions about what really happened been released from prison?

Was it offensive that the Guildford Four or the Birmingham Six or the Tipton Three were released? Is it justice these gatekeepers want or blood? I suspect the latter.

Take this series of quotes from someone in TV, taken from the forum:

Don’t have nightmares about the boogie man coming to get you. Except you Bridget, difficult to get out of your head I guess, once someone’s mentioned it …

The above is a quite shocking, personal and frankly, sinister thing to say to someone, especially to a lady. Imagine the outcry if someone had said something along those lines to the daughter of Norfolk, the darling of the gatekeepers; a lady whose name I cannot mention for fear of getting sued or stalked or worse?

Then this character goes on to edit a post and attributes the following “edit” to “The Antagonist“, doing the gatekeeper/Zionist thing of calling anyone who asks questions an anti-Semite.

Disgusting language I’m sure you agree. We do not allow people to be nasty about the July 7th bombers here, heck they were only doing what they thought was right. And we do not allow racism either. Except against the Jews of course. We don’t like them at all.

Funny that he should make this accusation when he himself is guilty of racist hatred with the following gems in the same thread:

And also that the filth who gave them succour and help are safely behind bars weeping into their pillows every night and praying to Allah that they don’t drop the soap in the shower.

Since 2005, thousands of Afghans and tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of innocent Muslims have died as a result of the Crusade. On an atrocity scale, I would reserve the tag “filth” for some of those mass-murderers and if the above is true, and let’s face it, being done for having a CD that you didn’t even load and the contents of which are available on American servers is hardly a crime worthy of comparison to dropping a thermobaric bomb onto a wedding, then the tag “misguided” might be more appropriate.

Why the reference to “Allah”? This guy is not a Muslim, the reference is made as a barb against Islam in general. It’s a technique used by a lot of these gatekeepers using hasbara techniques. As for racism, well surely, “Muslims are not a race” means it’s OK to condemn the lot of them, right?

I’ll let the incendiary and insightful Dr. M answer this one:

Lie#612 : Islam isn’t a race hence abuse of Muslims is in no way or form racist.

My, my, my, aren’t they so very clever? Insistence that Islam isn’t a race and therefore representations of Islam cannot be racist is disingenuous rubbish. Religion is not only about faith but also about identity, background and culture, and Muslims are overwhelmingly non-white. In the mind of the hate mongers, Islam is a religion of non-whites and white race traitors. They see black skin and head scarves the same way. Being Jewish used to be simply a religious identity. With the rise of capitalism, it was transmuted into a racial one. What we are seeing today is the opposite process with Islam. If we must be so asinine as to insist upon using skin color as a determinant of race, I would ask why the Muslims represented in Islamophobic filth never EVER look like Indonesian Muslims, even though it is the most populous Muslim country on the planet. The reason is simple: Muslims are seen and stereotyped as a “race,” especially as dark skinned, unkempt Arabs and Pakistanis.

I’ve said this myself in the past of course, but Dr. M says it better.

There is more disgusting and personal stuff from a man who claims to be intelligent and rational:

You’re right of course Bridget, they are all out to get you. Mooslims, the police, Baader Meinhoff, the Russians. I don’t know how you sleep at night for worrying, I should be careful a bear doesn’t leap on you while you’re wiping your arse.

(Emphasis mine). Again, is this how you talk to a lady? And the reference to “Mooslims”, well that makes me cringe in the way that a white guy who doesn’t know me very well saying “nigger” or “paki” does. (Not that I’m suggesting APed is white, I haven’t a clue and don’t care either way)

Then this kind of sinister and distasteful veiled threat:

Blimey, you lot are paranoid enough as it is, don’t want to tip you over the edge and cause some kind of nasty shotgun in the mouth incident!

And the personal tirade against Bridget continued:

Good grief woman, your level of paranoia is around about certifiable levels. It’s a wonder you feel able to walk around in public. I hope they don’t put you in chanrge of any heavy machinery at that factory of yours.

Bridget, to her immense credit, did not rise to the bait, despite filth like this:

That Bridget girl, do you think she’s…y’know…quite right in the head? No really, I’m not being mean, I’m trying to be understanding. I mean something must have made her all stressy. Do you think she might be in serious need of a man?

More proportion from the Islamophobe:

They’re dead thank God and the vermin that helped them out, like this shit for brains Khalid Khaliq and Babar Ahmad (look them up in Wikipedia - what nice people they are!) got banged up and - with luck - got severely sliced for their efforts by some East End gangster or two.

This kind of baiting and hating isn’t new. What is perplexing is that these people think anyone who questions the official version of events deserves this kind of vitriol and to coin a phrase (not my language) “shits on the graves of the dead”.

“Once a government resorts to terror against its own population to get what it wants, it must keep using terror against its own population to get what it wants. A government that terrorizes its own people can never stop. If such a government ever lets the fear subside and rational thought return to the populace, that government is finished.”

Michael Rivero

I don’t know what happened on 7/7. It might well be that the men who are accused of suicide bombing themselves and 52 innocent people were really guilty. It might be that they were not. I don’t believe that a government who lied to take us to war and is therefore guilty of the most heinous crime is beyond withholding the truth about any other important matter.

What I refuse to take part in is some bizarre conflation of Islam with 7/7 or any other terrorist incident, which is what the gatekeepers like APed want (otherwise why keep referring to religion and Islam and terrorism?)

In every discussion I’ve seen, the hatred and the propaganda and the smears and the threats come only from gatekeepers and mainstream media figures.

So the sentence? What was the thought that helped me to reverse the upside-down world? It is simply this:

Those people who do not question power, when that very power has lied to us and stripped us of our liberties and stolen our wealth, it is they who disgrace the memories of those who died.

Jean Charles de Menezes

Like the innocent Jean Charles de Menezes, the inquest of whose execution starts tomorrow, they deserve the truth.

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Things Ain’t What They Used To Be

by shahid on August 31, 2008

Katharine Whitehorn in '50s London

Katharine Whitehorn in '50s London

Beautiful article by Katharine Whitehorn in the BBC today.

And what about women? Nowadays the Daily Mail can enjoy its regular explosions about whether women having jobs and children is a Bad Thing - often written by women who have at least got away from their children long enough to write the article.

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Escape to the Past, Ignore Today!

by shahid on June 20, 2008

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Politician Resigns on Principle

by shahid on June 12, 2008

Yes, it’s a stupid headline. Surely, politicians don’t have principles? 

Some do. David Davies is one of them. I won’t repeat what he says so forcefully and eloquently. Instead, I will refer you to his statement to the press in the wake of his resignation from the House of Commons to force a by-election on the issue of detention of innocent citizens for 6 weeks without charge.

Do have a listen - and remember - there is a large, and more and more vocal broad-spectrum minority who just can’t stomach this nonsense anymore. Could we be pulling ourselves back from the precipice?

David Davis’ statement

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White Girl

by shahid on March 10, 2008

I can’t remember the last time I saw something on television that was so breathtakingly beautiful, so sensitively written and scored so poignantly that it often brought tears to my eyes through its sheer power and shocking juxtapositions.

In one scene, the 11-year-old white girl, the subject of the programme, walks in on her mother being banged by her errant, no-good father. Her mother sees her, but drunk, continues. The girl, Leia, betrayed, picks up a toy and goes to the bathroom to make wudu, then prays in her mother’s bedroom. The mother returns, walks across her praying daughter and slumps to the bed in a stupour, crushing the toy.

It’s on BBC2 and worth the whole year’s licence fee alone.

I don’t think I’ve seen anything this powerful in years and not just because it’s about Muslims, because really, it’s not. It’s about child abuse and the way a child seeks refuge in the most unpredictable things. For all of these reasons and more, it’s quite possibly one of the most powerful pieces of British television I’ve ever seen.

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Blogger Diving

by shahid on January 9, 2008

Gratuitous ugly-mugshot of son-of-apostate Uncle Tom Nazi AliI just had a quick look at my Blogger account. There were 144 comments stored up in there for moderation from the days when Blogger was the home of Suspect Paki. I’ll come back to those later.I also came across a blog I had started about my adventures in Second Life. The first entry, dated November 29th 2006 read as follows:

I’ve just entered an early prototype of The Matrix.I’m on a Mac.My first impressions were:Buggy, creepy, sad, uninspiring and yet, dangerously alluring.I’ll be back.

Of course, that was my last post on the matter and I never went back. I’ve deleted that blog now.Back to Suspect Paki… I haven’t a clue why comments are going to Blogger for moderation and not ending up here, but the torrent of abuse and hatred was pretty shocking. Of course, I get my fair share of nutters here and I summarily delete the more offensive ones. I thought I’d share some of the sentiment towards “pakis” and Muslims flying around recently, just for the month of July last year:

“oi paki bastard E.G. chuck berry! if it wasn’t for us white bastards you wouldn’t be in business you thick paki jappati slinging curry munching uphill gardening fuge packing cousin shaging sister fucking ass bandit. And if that isn’t enough then have this, you ‘cant’ fight one on one you need your cousin brothers to fight for you! when you lot are alone your quiet, but get you in a group and suddenly youre hard ‘like fuck’. you take piss outa your heratage and the older generation who came to our country to fight with us against threats to our country, and yet you assholes like to think your better than that yeah right, well i hope sooner or later all brittish white and black realise that you pakis are nothing but sewer rats with a disease like infestation on our young innocent girls, and we will rid our land of you once and for all, good ridance we dont want you and you’ll never be accepted.”

“? i loath pakis. some just moved in across the road. i’m gonna move. they shouln’t even be touching my soil”

“they might not speak for you do gooda cunt - but i know lots of british people who are sick to death of the paki muslims.they take our culture over and people like you fucking support them you traitor fuck to pakistan with them.”

“”Great british culture……of great britan?????? …..Great britan which is soo great and sized no more than Island????? Wow so great……”if you dont like it motherfucker piss off back to your own country! an dont say i was born here somewhere down the line you where born in some scum country, because abdul is no english name - i agree these people need to go - BNP BNP BNP!! its simple if there are none in this country - they cannot create the havock theyre so great at doing! The majority of people hate you - but due to laws wont say - your hated! with a passion!”

“why the fuck should us british people work for a living and pay taxes to keep the paki bastards in benefits so they can ship more paki twats over here to take over everything this country has ever stood for, hitler had the right idea, winston churchill would be turning in his grave now knowing that they are taking over britain, robbing us of everything british, then the cheeky fuckers have the cheek to walk around in there grannys best curtains and wont remove there viels, this is our country not theres, i wish they would all paki up there belongings and fuck off back to where they come from, if they want to be terrorists then fuck off and do it somewhere else and leave our belovered britian alone. im fucked off with working a 50hr week just to support them in there quest to turn britain into iraq, just cos we are a hard working country with nice things that they aint got cos they have bombed the fuck out of there own country, what gives them the right to say there scared of going back to there own place of birth saying they will be shot or tortured, bollocks i say….We are english normal people who care about everyone and everything in britain, not the scum that wants to terrorise us tho, they can all fuck off and die for all i care….There aint no black or brown in the unionjack and the sooner the uk wakes up to the fact they are taking over and does something about it the better.If we dont do something about it now then we wont have anything else left that we can call our own, there taking white mens job, money, shops, houses, should i carry on. i think i have put my piont accross, you get the picture…ACT NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATE.RP. UK BORN N BRED”

“when you say kill all pakis do you mean muslims or hindus, beacause hindus are not pakis, pakis are people who come from pakistain and pray to that fucking shit allah or something”

“maning was right you pakis will never live with us so why dont you go home but u are to scared to cos they hate you to as you ar not pakis you ar outsiders he he jusy scum and white haters u will not win”

” pakis should all drop fukin dead n since we cant kill em says the law vote bnp see if they make it soo we can get rid of the smelly bastards n any man who killed a paki dont need jail they r fukin hero’s pakis dont belong ere neva have n neva will n if any paki see this then listen carfully fuk off bk n if u was born ere fuk off still ya paki scum !!!!! who the fuk do they fink they r if police go near em they get done weres the law ?? in that”

“I’m affraid that all the comments should go on like a law, like the chinesse in killing ten flies a day but instead of flies they should be paki’s and any other who thinks the white race is scum. All over other countries there’s like a sign saying come to britian and kill whites. i think all of this should stop and send the bastards back where they fucking come from. But the real problem is that people who serve for britain’s army, e.g. the Gurkas and sikhs should be allowed in to britain.I think a year ago i got beaten up by 3 paki’s the ages of 26, 21, 16.They used weapons on me like battons they are animals i had to go into hospital that night, the one thing is that when i went to get my x-rays done the Australians that did it cared and every white person there looked after me.In the end the 3 that did it got away with the crime they did to me assult and using weapons to cause bodily harm to others.I think every fucking paki should be shot, like what the Nazi’s did to the jews but this time it will be paki’s. When i’m older i will fight for the better of the English country and Queen i will kill as many of them as possible in this country and the middle east.For Queen and country.”

“KILL EVERY PAKI AND POLISH PERSON. THEY ARE LIKE AIDS. JOIN ME IN A SKIN HEAD ATTACK ON EVERY PAKI IN THE COUNTRY!!”

“bnp all the way n fukin kill all the paki bastards we need to fight back there takin ova man they bomb us we should bomb them they dont fukin belong ere FUK OFF U PAKI BASTARDS WE DONT WANT U ERE vote bnp !!!!!!!!!”

“why are asian women more hairy than the men?”

“FUCK ALL YOU PAKI SHITS!! ALL WE EVER GET IS SHIT, I HAVE HAD IT. SCOTTISH LASHBACK!! I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OTHER RACE, BLACK WHITE CHINESE JAPANESE WHATEVER - I DONT HATE PEOPLE FOR THE COLOUR OF THEIR SKIN, I HATE PEOPLE FOR THEIR FUCKED UP TWISTED MINDS - THATS ALL WE EVER FUCKING GET FROM YOU MUSLIMS - FUCK YOU ALL”

“we call you pakis because were lazy which our countrys like so if you work for 5 pound a day good luck to but remember to save up and fuck off back you fucking smelly coward bombers”

“if we all kill one a day , problem solved.”

“hello to all those jeehad fuckers that come into greatbritian and try and cause havoc, well sorry but we dont lie dont to fucking wankers like you, nor do the people of scotland were you tried and failed lol ,a would a let the black fucer burn, av got one thing to say to they fuckers get to fuck back to your own country”

“to be honest i dont think we should kill all the pakis but instead we should send them back to where they came from so they can practise their own religion and enjoy the culture of their own country which probably includes eating shit for breakfast, luch and tea and human sacrifices. because they fail to understand britain is a christian country and think they can impose their own religion on society and play the race card to get away with murder (literally) they are the source of growing hatred among hard working people.SEND THEM BACK AND SEE HOW THEY LIKE LIFE IN PAKISTAN THEN MAYBE THEY WILL APRETIATE LIFE IN BRITAIN MORE”

That is just the Blogger comment set for July 2007. I deleted a lot more than that from my Wordpress admin panel.

When that Uncle Tom coconut scumbag “Reverend” Nazir Ali lies about no go areas, does he mean Iraq? Because there are no Muslim no-go areas in Britain. Unless you mean areas in which Muslims dare not go. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but the situation is the exact opposite of the one Ali so provocatively speaks of.

It might be a good idea if he took his Christian buddies to some London estates, where teenage gangs of all colours, but of no preferred religious affiliation, run rampant, high on drugs and alcohol and with the run of the land. Areas where nobody goes, of any religion, except those gangs, unless they want to get knifed.

Knifed like the Asian Muslim boy killed by a distinctly non-Asian, non-brown person just the other day.

Nazi(r) Ali might also want to check out the comments I have to delete on a daily basis that are the tip of the iceberg of hatred towards Muslims and brown ones in particular. He is part of the machinery that stokes up Islamophobia around the world and is therefore just a tool of oppression. Or perhaps more accurately, he is just a tool.

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Last Orders

by shahid on June 12, 2007

Last Orders

London is quiet for a moment. I love this stillness. No sirens. No helicopters. No cars. No drunks. No buses. No lorries. No foxes. No aircon.

The fridge hum is all I hear. It can’t last. It won’t last. And as I type, I summon the sirens, the cars, the buses and the rest will surely come. For a moment though, beautiful, calm stillness. In my beautiful, beloved London.

No news breaking and entering into my serenity. No TV. No radio. No mobile phone. No email. No IM. A moment that I didn’t know I ached for until it came and as surely as a mayfly must die, the moment must pass.

I have just watched “Last Orders”. Sometimes, reason must be abandoned. Reason told me to go to bed so I can go to work rested tomorrow. I flicked on the TV for some post-closing-time company and it was on. A quiet London pub in the morning with Bob Hoskins and some company. An old clock on the wall with roman numerals and hands with adornments. I wanted to know why his character was having a quiet pint in the morning.

I watched it till the end. I had to. Every time I see a flashback to a London I grew up in, I ache. Every time I see the camraderie of older Londoners portrayed so candidly I see my father with his mates. White, black, oriental, Greek, Italian, integration patron, that was my father.

That’s why I love The Avengers because you get to see an old British car driving through empty London streets in the middle of the day, with almost no parked cars and absolutely no yellow lines. And certainly no cameras….

Caine’s character was dying in hospital, joking with the nurses, visited by old friends. That was my father. Of course I felt sentimental. Not just for my dad though.

That ache for a time and a place and land that can never be the same, but was promised to me, that was handed down to me and then snatched away, stolen, mugged and discarded. Chatham and the war memorial and I am not Anglo-Saxon but that was the war I was raised with. Canterbury Cathedral, I am a Muslim, but all those in caskets I saw as a child and that was my heritage too, because nobody told me it wasn’t and yes, I was there as a child.

And Margate. Dreamland. The sandy beach. I went to Dreamland with my friend Albert when we were what, 13? We had a fiver each and we spent it in Dreamland. Do you even know what Dreamland was? I hope some of my older readers will remember. Oh but you see, it was not pretentiously named. With its Space Invader machines, slot machines and rides and stalls, it was a dream land to me.

I wanted to take my kids there back in 2004. I looked online by chance and found to my anguish that it had been closed down. I had always wanted to take my kids there. It was my heritage. It was my pocket watch to pass down the generations and it was taken from me.

Like the freedom to go about unmolested. To drive without getting photographed a thousand times an hour by humanity-free machines that issue fines through humanity-free computers that pass on orders to humanity-free bailiffs who will soon be able to break your door down and take everything you ever owned because you drove a car in your home town.

The freedom to protest. To assemble. To hold up slogans. To be free. To talk freely. To breathe freely. But to breathe freely, with others, is literally, to “conspire” and so anybody who discusses any idea with anyone else, like I used to as a growing teen, is a conspiracist and what worse thing to be called than a “conspiracist” or even “conspiraloon” by a bunch of evil bastards masquerading as freedom-fighters who are actually litigators and stalkers and liars and worse. Except maybe, to be called Muslim.

It didn’t matter before. To be Muslim. When I was a kid, my dad took us to Bourton-on-the-water to see the model village in the model village in the model village and it was our country, our place, our heritage. I took my kids and everybody looked at us like we were vermin.

London in the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, hell, even some of the 80s before it all turned to shit. I love my kids, I love my wife, but London is the longest love of my life. The air was different then. The buses were certainly different. And of course, the air on buses was different too, there was cigarette smoke for starters. In a few weeks, I won’t be able to enjoy the pleasure of a cigar anywhere except my own home.

I can’t say everything I want to say on this blog, or anywhere else, certainly not TV, or I will be mistaken for a terrorist-sympathiser, or one step away from that. As I have been, by people much closer to me than I ever thought possible. In days gone by, I might have been called a Jew. Or a Communist. The enemy changes. The fascism remains the same.

My dad played pool with Peter O’Toole. I would have loved to have seen that in a smoke-filled pub. He handed down my hard-won integration. He worked so hard at that. Me and my sister chucked soil over into our neighbours’ garden by accident when we were digging up tulips one day, not knowing that the bulbs were meant to stay in the ground because they’d grow again the next year. My dad came back and went ballisitc. In the dead of night he went into their garden and cleared it up. We watched him sweeping. I’ve always found the feeling of wanting to cry worse than crying. Yet I rarely cry. It’s like nausea. Nausea is worse than vomiting. And the nausea of sorrow before tears is the worst ache. I ached that night.

I don’t let my kids throw anything on the streets. I don’t put my feet up on seats - no matter that every other scumbag does nowadays. Of all colours. That was the integration my dad taught me. What’s yours? Is that part of being Muslim? Naah. It’s part of how I grew up. Those were the values I was taught. Are these values Muslim values? God yeah. So who is integrated? Respect for your neighbours, that’s what my dad taught me. They repaid us by beating us up, throwing shit on our door, smashing our door down, smashing our car, beating up our guests and knowing that they’d get away with it, because by then, my dad had been divorced. We never retaliated. Our revenge was me, 9 years later confronting the mob and by some miracle, making them stop for good. So who is integrated? And whose values are better?

That’s what we were taught. Respect. That’s what we feel is right. Justice.

Now our politicans are more bent than ever. Now, our fathers are discarded by evil women who know the state has emasculated just about every man, the media has emasculated just about every man to the point where manhood is not even a desirable quality. Can you say “metrosexual?”

Do you know what unrequited love for your city, your country, your past, your heritage stolen is like? It is a nausea of the soul. It is tears welling up not in your eyes, not in your heart, but at the top of your lungs, where you take your very first breath in this world. Your life’s first breath halted, constricted, pushed back, suppressed and held forever.

I felt great happiness walking back home from the bus stop this evening. I tried not to let the Ethno-Purebred-English girl with her feet up on the seat of my favourite bus, the beautiful, fast, useful 52 upset me. I succeeded. I comforted myself with the fact that my parents were better than hers.

I was recenty on another bus, a 98, where the Ethno-Purebred-English-Grammar-School-If-They-Still-Existed-Blonde mother with her Aryan son of about 8 was babbling into her mobile for almost the whole journey while the boy had his trainers up on the glass, leaving marks. She briefly interrupted her conversations to talk to her son about an unrelated matter. Not once did it occur to her to tell her son that what he was doing was wrong.

I comforted myself with the fact that despite my parents being immigrant pakis, they raised us better than that and we are better than that and we respect this country and its institutions and its services and the social space better than these selfish, fraudulent inheritors.

When I was a kid, the whole bus would have stopped him. Well, someone would have. Usually the mum, with a slap. Now the little bastard would be calling the misandrynist family destroyers of the NSPCC (multi-million pound ad campaigns to demonise innocent fathers, but nobody on their emergency lines what does that tell you huh) double-quick if someone so much as said boo.

So I felt that wrench in the place where my first breath came when I watched “Last Orders”. Because while I loved every character and their beautiful stories, I couldn’t help, but to compare that to what has been taken from us now and the hell in which we now live and to wonder when Last Orders were served on the land of my birth.

I love you London.

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Suspect Paki on Channel 4 News Tonight

by shahid on June 4, 2007

Tonight Monday 4th June, 7p.m. Channel 4 News

Let’s hope they don’t make me look like a complete idiot….though I’m perfectly capable of doing that on my own…

You might be able to catch it on the web at channel4.com and of course, it might well appear on youtube at some point.

Sorry about the short notice.

Oh, it’s about 7/7 and you can find it here!

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Learn English!!!

by shahid on February 21, 2007

People who are seeking to come to the UK to work or to join a spouse already living here should be required to learn English, an expert body says.

(From the BBC.)

Commission chair Darra Singh averred:

If you can’t speak English, you are on a path to isolation and separation.

I couldn’t agree more.

In fact, I think English for foreigners is is such a good idea that we should start with the English. East Croydon will do for starters. Once I can understand a thing any fucker from there under the age of 25 says, we can start spreading the goodness.

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Eye Sage

by shahid on January 21, 2007

My bloody right eye

The original vitreous haemorrhage I had on New Year’s Day decided it was time for a sequel. It hit the box office Friday before last with a vengeance. Only the day before I had had a follow-up to my A&E visit early in the New Year. I was seen, eventually, and told that the damage should clear up within a few weeks, that the blood should be re-absorbed, eventually. Mr. Park told me to return if things got worse. That didn’t sound too conclusive. I wasn’t mightily re-assured.

The very next evening, Friday 12th January, it was as if there had been a Sony Bravia-like explosion of red in my eye. The bleeding continued until the end of that evening by which time I was blind. I called A&E and they told me to come in first thing, so that they could do an ultrasound, presumably to check on the state of the retina. I waited until Monday. It’s a long story, but nothing more was going to be done on the NHS before then anyway.

I have to say, the NHS is not very consistent. Every person you see gives a different and conflicting view. You generally want to see the person at the top. The others are frankly, guessing. I was surprised that I had to explain the phenomenon of re-entry to them. Whilst I am normally wary of google as a means of fast-tracking one’s medical knowledge, on this occasion, I did feel better prepared.

My first A&E visit resulted in my being seen by every opthalmologist in the hospital (too many opthalmologists spoil the sight?), it seemed as if they were using it as a training exercise. (My eyes often provoke that kind of response - and if you saw the laser scarring, especially in my hitherto weaker left eye, you would see why). The guy I saw eventually, after a three hour wait was very courteous. He got my name right, having a Muslim name himself helped. He even offered salaam!

What he didn’t offer was good news. After looking me over quickly, he said I would need laser surgery pronto and that my retinopathy had returned with a vengeance. He asked if I had medical insurance. When I affirmed, he suggested, quietly, that I should make use of it. He wasn’t proud to say this, but the urgency in his voice suggested that waiting around for the NHS might have unpalatable consequences.

I went home in a daze, half blind, eyes both blurred as well from the dilating drops, every usually forgettable light its down dazzling, static fireworks display. Reds, whites and blues everywhere. Starburst City - I felt like I’d walked into a cheap videography commercial.

Let’s rephrase that. I felt fucking awful. I know this sounds dreadfully ungrateful, but a man like me could manage without his legs. God forbid, God forbid, God forbid. But not my eyes.

The next day I arranged to see the same consultant who has looked after my eyes for the last 15 years on the NHS. Except he has not seen me once on the NHS. If I’d wanted to see him now, the wait might have been over 3 months, I’d be blind, depressed and still might not actually get to see him.

With my medical insurance, I was able to see him in his private clinic, in the same hospital, for an extended one-on-one session, with no trainees, within 48 hours.

And what a blessed relief. He confirmed one of my fears, that if the second haemmorhage, which has blinded me in the right eye after traction on the retina, doesn’t clear up within a few months, vitrectomy is a foregone conclusion. However, if I take it very easy, very, very, very easy, that I should be OK and that my eyesight will recover eventually, even if the double bleed and the tractional damage might have marginally affected the quality of vision I have. Hell, I can live with that after experiencing no vision at all for reading purposes for the last week.

At the top of this page you can see a picture of my retina. As you can see, blood obscures the centre. Right at the centre is a small disc that represents your crucial central vision, called the macula. It is obscured by blood. I can seethe periphery, but I cannot read shit. It’s very strange. Text elusively appears clearly at the edges of my vision, but as I chase it with my macula, mirage-like, it is gone in a haze of blood. (The bright disc you see is not the macula, it is the optic disc, which is the retinal interface of the optic nerve).

The detritus of course floats around and obscures different parts of the macula depending on my orientation and momentum, like ink squirted into a glass of oil. And like measuring a quantum particle, I could never tell you when and what I will be able to read or see centrally at any given time with any precision.

My right eye was previously my good eye. The retinopathy in my left was very bad and it looks like the surface of the moon. I’m not sharing that picture with you because some unscrupulous sod might use it for nefarious identification purposes. With the blood in the picture of my right eye, you don’t get a clear and full shot of my retina, so nothing to worry about there.
The good news is that it’s not retinopathy. The NHS guy was wrong. The bad news is that the bleeding was aggravated by the new medication given to me to handle my two TIAs from last autumn. And although I’m meant to exercise gently after my knee surgery, I’m now being told that I can’t, in case I haemmorhage agein and completely fuck up the eye. So I get to choose - risk of blindness - or risk of stroke. I decided I’d risk the stroke.
Some morals from this tale?

  • Don’t get diabetes
  • If you get diabetes, look after yourself fucking well, or you will die horribly over years
  • In either case, get private health insurance

I am off work for a while now. I have been very worried. I can type, because I have great muscle memory from 25 years of typing. I can’t read very fast though - I used to be a voracious reader. My left eye was my weak eye, as it had been lasered right around and even on the macula. Now it is my only working eye for reading, until hopefully, the right eye clears and hopefully, there is no more traction on the retina at the point where it has bled twice already.

My NHS diabetologist is a hero, a wonderful doctor, but having been a hardcore NHS and private customer for the last six months, I can say this:

With private health insurance, all the members of my medical support team treat me like the client, the patient, the person who needs to be helped and supported and guided and informed. The first time in 22 years of retinopathy I ever got to see the back of my eyes was being given a print-out after my private photograph taken by the same person who took an NHS photograph only 48 hours earlier. The same man who now talked me through the whole process, invited my children into the room, allowed them to see the screen and gave me a colour print-out was the same man who 48 hours earlier got me in and out in moments without a smile, a hello or a bye-your-leave.

With the NHS, I am nothing more than a number that has to be put through the system as quickly as possible. One never feels less like a patient and more like a wasteful burden than when one is being treated on the NHS.

That’s it in essence: To the private sector in health care, I am a client and a patient. To the NHS, I am a statistic and an inconvenience. We truly have a two-tier system. The more money one has, the better the treatment.
I simply don’t understand why.

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